LOST AND FOUND - Finding Hope in the Detours of Life by SARAH JAKES

Sarah Jakes expressed herself and the journey of the first twenty-five years of her life in this book. 

Being a fourth born to T.D and Serita Jakes-the patrons over the potter's house in Dallas, Sarah Jakes spent her early years at charleston, West Virginia. A Town where almost everybody knew everybody. Her elder sister and childhood friend, Cora who was often mistaken as her twin, was one to accompany her in their childish mischief. 

When she was eight, her family moved to Dallas, Texas. That upgrade changed their life. They met new people and church members who were less interested in who they were on the inside and more concerned with how successful they appeared and they could position themselves close to us. 

At school in Dallas, compared to Charleston where everyone already knew them, they had to explain further whenever they said their father worked in 'ministry' which felt frustrating for her. Often, she got tired of going to church and doing the same thing over and over again.

She wasn't a very good singer, neither did she like reading the Bible for long so she struggled with fitting in church. She also was a minister's daughter and everybody expected a pattern of behavior from her everywhere else other than church leaving her feeling left out as well. Her dream was to live what she thought was a normal life, like the books she read and the television shows she watched portrayed of their characters. One that she thought she could have if only her parents had normal jobs.

She wanted people to know her for who she was and not just because of her parents. At age thirteen, she found out she was pregnant. 

Confiding first in Cora before her sister broke the news through a letter to the rest of the family, It came as a shock to everyone. The support came from family and friends. But she also felt the subtle separation, with the feeling of being the black sheep, when at fourteen, she gave birth to her son, Malachi. 

All she could recognize in her situation was the shame she could feel for placing her parents in the position of being questioned for her actions. She worked harder to complete high school early, in a quest to create a better tomorrow for her son. She graduated with a diploma at the age of sixteen and got accepted into Texas Christian University with a plan to study accounting. That would imply that she went to business school at first.

It was there she met Robert, a football player at the Uni. It started as a flirtatious banter, then a break in communication after he spoke rudely over the phone. Then started up as another flirtatious banter. Over time, she began to love the broken pieces of him because of the resemblance they had to hers, despite all she'd been told about his bad reputation. 

During this period, she made decisions based on how she thought others felt about her. It was what fueled her and Robert's relationship. She called him one day wanting to hang out and he broke the news that he was packing out his apartment to move in with his fiancee. She was shocked. But that didn't stop her from seeing him and in the process, hurting another woman. 

Robert eventually broke up with fiancee, leaving Sarah relieved. He moved into a new apartment and their relationship continued. It went on well until he got back together with the ex before his fiance. 

This time, she was blinded by her love and quest to get validation from him, she became willing pawn as he two-timed.  

Finally, it stopped. And Robert continued to be her distraction. She failed her courses at school, still carrying the weight that everyone expected something from her for what she had done. She promised, herself and her parents, to be better. 

But at one point she stopped attending her classes in all. She lost her passion for her course and decided to get a job.  She officially dropped out of school and moved in with Robert, while working as a waitress at a strip club without her family's knowledge. 

They found out eventually and she quitted her job. It was a little hard for her and Robert but they hung on. She clung to him with every sweet word or gesture or sign of becoming the person she dreamed of that he showed her. She got another job as a receptionist to a contractor for the airforce. 

This time, she gave in her all in the job. She was in a field she knew nothing about but that didn't stop her from aspiring to be a permanent staff at the aviation company. She found a three-bedroom apartment and had a plan to furnish it little by little, one that her mother surprised her in buying. 

Robert entered his junior year of playing at TCU, with the hope of making it to NFL. Sarah became a permanent staff at her job and he popped the question. The small wedding she wanted gradually escalated to RSVP of 350 guests and more. As her wedding day drew closer, she got more certain that Robert loved her in the best way he could. But on her wedding day, although smiling for the pictures, she questioned her decision to say 'I do.'

The photographer's site was hacked and pictures of her wedding had circulated. There were positive and negative comments and one more by a woman who suggested that she had a son that Robert was not taking care of. Research into it led Sarah into knowing that he had four children which she hadn't been aware of. 

Two months into their wedding, they started seeing a counselor at their church, Dr. Nicole. It was there she admitted why a wall was built around her heart. She found out Robert was cheating on her with a coed, a month and a half before the wedding. His promise of 'all road leads to her' had an underlying meaning that she should be grateful that he was choosing her. Even though she used her words as well to hurt him, she still felt he was controlling her.

At work, she didn't have the same drive and passion as she did initially. But after an evaluation, she got a raise. Her father offered her a job and she turned in her notice immediately. Things got better. She and Robert's relationship became stronger. 

And just when she thought things couldn't get any worse, she found out she was pregnant. With it came Robert's devastation of not being able to play the bowl's game for TCU because he did not pass enough classes. When she was five months pregnant, he eventually got drafted in the NFL. It got her scared and worried that it would disturb the quiet life they were finally building. He left for Virginia and she moved in with her parents. He insisted that she joined him in D.C, which she did. 

The night she had scheduled to return to Dallas and start packing for good, she was admitted and diagnosed with a kidney infection. Her mother stayed with her throughout the five days in the hospital and since Sarah could not fly back, they found an apartment for her and Robert. 

The time after that was calm. Robert was busy with a football training camp. She got news of having the baby early that brought her mother back to her from Texas. Since Robert had very few days off from the camp, they agreed to have the labor induced so he could be around for the birth.

A week after birthing her daughter, Makenzie, she found out through the phone bill that he was calling another woman consistently. He told the excuse of being a promoter. She let it rest and didn't bring it up again. Two weeks later, he made it into the team. Over the course of that football season, he had four other women. 

After the football season, they moved back to her parent's house in Dallas. She texted the woman and received a callback. The call revealed her husband's affair and other things that left her feeling broken inside. Nevertheless, he attempted to rebuild their relationship while he could. Football training started again and although there was no proof, she could notice his suspicious actions. 

Two days before the pre-season game, she found another lady in his car and waiting for him, which was packed a block down their street. Enraged, she hurled every insult she could think of, rammed her car into his repeatedly, then sped after him as they drove out of the neighborhood which she received a police warning for.

Two days later, she watched the game where he had an injury that ended football for him, forever.

She stopped caring. Even though she knew it pushed him farther from her, she stopped caring. She couldn't keep on being the bigger person. Months later she moved back to Dallas. Her husband's mistress let him know that she was pregnant. Although he turned on her immediately, even calling her names, he started to imply that the baby was his. He even got angry when he found out that the baby wasn't going to have his last name.

Sarah felt bitter, seeing as her husband and the mistress planned for the baby like it was as normal as a milestone. After a talk with Dr. Nicole, she tried to be better. Even buying gifts for the baby. She opened a blog to pour out her emotions. And began working for her mother just as Robert got released from his club before training camp started. 

After a paternity test on Sarah's insistence, it turned out the baby wasn't his. She took the stage on the annual woman thou art loosed conference, 2011 and the message she shared went viral. Her courage and commitment to sharing were applauded. Then Robert started seeing another woman.

Things began to fall into places. Slowly, but meaningfully. She finally gave to God the last drop of shame from her early pregnancy. She dwelt so much on her lostness but finally released it all to him. Using Ruth as a biblical example in the conclusion, Sarah summed that no matter how lost one thinks he or she is, they can always be found.

Ponder points.

1. As Christians and humans, we may not always get it right but it doesn't mean that we have to police and bruise one another. 

2. The opinions of the ninety-nine might keep the one from coming back even though knowing that God has the way out.

3. People go to church to be healed but if not careful, people's approval could overshadow the message.

4. Change is inevitable. Our insecurities can create holes inside us that make us believe we can't be used. 

5. If we discuss only our victories and not our struggles, we allow others to believe that you can win a war without engaging in battle. 

6. Our worship is most beautiful when we are desperate for an answer from God when we have nothing else to lose, nowhere else to go, and when we are utterly and completely lost.

7. It's okay to be hurt. You do not have to rush your healing just so that you appear to have recovered. Just because you can go on does not mean you should.

8. Until we forgive ourselves, we will always see ourselves through the shattered pieces of the dreams we can no longer have. Learn to take the time to slow down and heal. 

9. Marriage, like the church, becomes more complicated when you begin intermixing different opinions and personalities. But still, it is very much possible to have more love than fear while in marriage.

10. Seeking forgiveness doesn’t mean that you have figured out the best way to recover, it just means that you are committed to fixing what was broken. 

11. You have to be willing to be uncomfortable if you want to be stretched.

 

12. If you don't learn to adjust to the shifts in your life, the shifts will change you. Learn to utilize your hope to combat your disappointment.

13. How you handle a setback determines the strength of your comeback. 

14. There are no coincidences with God. When God chooses to trust us with grace, it’s because He believes that we’re capable of doing things better than we did before.

15. God doesn't need us to have perfect lives. Just willing ones. 

16. Love isn't enough if it makes you worse. Love is far too sweet to leave you bitter.

17. Admit it when you've lost your way, and ask for help. Know that your mess is a beautiful black canvas for God.

18. God doesn't give us the spirit of fear. So if fear is present in your mind, it can't be from him.

19. One detour doesn't cancel your destination. You are beautifully wounded.

20. If you aren’t careful, you’ll let your past talk you out of your destiny.

21. You do not get to determine which pieces of you, God can use. His strength is made perfect when we give him our weakness.

"For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it" 

(Matthew 16:25)

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